Well, it seems oh so popular every time a year comes to an end to publish Top 10 Lists. So I thought I’d follow the trend (like the sheep that I am) and publish my own Lists. There will be three Lists over the next three days. Today I start with the Worst Movies of 2017.
There was a lot of garbage released over the course of the last 12 months (I only counted movies with a release date in 2017) and I didn’t even watch all of the possible shitty movies because, at the end of the day, time is precious, even for a movie buff like me. Keep in mind that this is my opinion, I don’t state that list as a fact for the quality of the following movies. Some might consider one of these movies to be good, entertaining or whatnot. So keep that in mind and don’t freak out if one of your favorite movies is on this list (though I should reconsider knowing you if that is the case)
So here are my worst seen Movies of 2017, counting down from 10:
10. Alien Covenant
Ridley Scott, the grandfather of the Alien Franchise wanted to show us all how space horror is done, well he failed miserably. His approach to expand the Alien Universe and go into a ‘bold’ new direction is admirable but the final result is a mess which really pissed me off. Once again the Movie is filled with stupid ‘scientists’ which keeps you from actually caring about any of those people when they are running for their lives or making (stupid) decisions. The Movie looks good though but please let this franchise rest now.
9. The Hitman’s Bodyguard
The Trailers for this one were actually kinda funny and the pairing of Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L. Jackson seemed interesting but the Movie never really expanded upon what was shown in the Trailers. Some chuckles here and there but the final result for me was a bore-fest and the banter between the two leads started to get annoying.
A Movie based on a successful 90’s TV Show? Spiced up with crude humor and foul language? No this isn’t 21 Jump Street but it wants to be so bad and fails miserably. Those two elements don’t guarantee good and funny Movies. For a ‘comedy’ this one was rather unfunny and sometimes even cringe-worthy. It all seemed too forced, kinda like “look here, we make fun of Baywatch and curse a lot”. The audience didn’t fall for that one, thank god.
7. The Mummy
Before thinking about creating a shared universe, think about making a good stand-alone movie first. But the universe thing seems so appealing but apart from Marvel (and obviously Star Wars), no Movie Franchise pulled it off yet. The Monster Movie Universe is dead on arrival (last I’ve read) and I HOPE it stays dead. This movie is just not good enough to start anything from it, the Brendan Fraser Mummy movies were a lot more fun to watch than this one.
Every year there are a few remakes/reboots/reinterpretations which end up on many worst Movie lists but yet the thought of using a famous IP for a quick cash grab seems appealing for executives. Well, maybe someday this trend will stop if they stop making ANY money. The idea of what's beyond death IS interesting but the executing is choppy and towards the end just weird and completely out of place with the premise.
5. xXx: Return of Xander Cage
This Movie was a total box-office bomb in the States but a HUGE success in China and it scares me to think there will be more ‘adventures’ with Xander Cage. I don’t mind a fun dumb blow-up Movie but at least have some fun with it but not the kind of fun which turns the characters into assholes.
4. Transformers: The Last Knight
I don’t know why I keep on watching these Movies, maybe because each time I assume they’ve learned their lessons and because the trailers don’t look half bad. But man oh man they keep on getting worse each time and it seems the American public is finally getting fed up with them too (but China, on the other hand, is not). Unfortunately, there is at least another Transformer Movie coming next year (The Bumblebee Solo Movie from a different director, so maybe that one is actually decent), but please help us if Michael Bay continues directing them.
3. Better Watch Out
The trailer looked like a fun time but after 15 minutes I wanted to bitchslap the main character and it kept getting worse by the minute (Sidenote: What's up with all these annoying characters in 2017) I had NO fun watching it and it was supposed to be a fun-egdy-christmas-Movie.
Just like Flatliners, this was as unnecessary as a colonoscopy. The original American Remake is one of the better Horror Films out there and really scared the shit out of me and had a great performance by Naomi Watts. This one here has neither and should put that franchise to rest, until 10 years from now when they reboot it, *sigh*.
1. Fifty Shades Darker
Yep, no surprise here, maybe the only surprise is me watching it, but I had to see how bad it really is. I’m still baffled this was made by professionals. The dialogue? Laughable bad. The Characters? Cardboard Cutouts. The Story? What story?! One more Movie then this nightmare of a franchise is hopefully over. This Movie makes the Twilight Movies look like Masterpieces, that alone says enough.